Berberian's Blog

WTC from my hotel

Amazing day in NYC 4/17/08

What am I missing?

So I'm driving with my daughter and I turn on the radio – a song is playing that she likes, but because it is on "Dad's station" she switches the radio to her station. A few minutes later, the same song comes on her station and she is happy.

Peanut butter sandwich

My father spoke five languages before he learned English. Armenian at home, French in school, Arabic in the market, Turkish for swearing, and Spanish for the hell of it I guess. When he came to the States he only knew a few words but over time he mastered the language in his one way. He never really understood certain American colloquialisms and sayings; often he just made up his own expressions. I blame him for my low SAT scores on the verbal section. He'd say things like, "Six dozen one half the other" and "Feathers of birds flock." His favorite saying was completely made up, "It's your peanut butter sandwich." He would use this expression in situations when he overtly abdicated any responsibility for the actions one was about to undertake. "Dad, mom said I can't watch TV until I finish my homework but I want to watch this show and I promise I'll finish it after it's over?" Since mom dished out the punishments with a blue hairbrush he'd say, "It's your peanut butter sandwich."

The other day I see an email from my wife to our cabinet designer (we are remodeling our house). In the email she is firmly telling the designer to get her act together and she uses the expression, "It's your peanut butter sandwich". I totally get it but our contactor is befuddled and calls to understand what does this mean –"Why are you talking about sandwiches?"

My father passed away 10 years ago but his sayings live on.

Kick Ass?

So I'm catching up on some blogs and I notice a new post from my daughter (she's 12). She doesn't talk like that at home. Also notice the picture on her page – that's me cropped out. Funny stuff.

Addiction

The other day I was talking to friend about what to do when you find out someone close to you has an addiction problem.  His first reaction was one of mistrust – how could things ever be the same between them again?  He said things like, “He was high when we last talked.  I’ll help him but it will never be the same; I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.  If it weren’t drugs, I wouldn’t feel this way.” 

I have four people very close to me that all suffer from some sort of addiction (illegal drugs, pharmaceutical drugs, alcohol, and other stuff).  I’ve had to think about my behavior and what my reactions are upon hearing the news of their problem.  I had similar reactions to those above – but in time I learned that those thoughts are only about me and do nothing to help the person recover from their addiction. Whenever someone decides it’s time to come clean there are a lot of emotions around the table – anger, sadness, mistrust, cynicism, and hope.  However, hope is typically present in only small amounts – if at all.

People assume that the person screwed up to get into this condition – they’ve behaved like a screw up – so they’re only going to screw up this getting clean process and fall off the wagon.  So you immediately become very suspicious of an addict’s behavior right after they’re out of rehab or whatever.  I found that I had to work at burying by suspicion and focus my actions and conversations on being more supportive – they need help getting their lives together not a watchdog.  If they’re in a program they have sponsor that helps them with their addiction issues – since I wasn’t that person for anyone, my role way more to show that I still care for them and I want them to succeed.  It’s an absolutely difficult process to watch someone get clean – but once they do it’s like getting a new friend or family member that knows you well and has a passion for life that is invigorating to observe.

At some point a person either gets clean or they die (or disappears into oblivion which is the same I guess). You don’t know when that point is and if it is now, I would want to be there for them. No one I know (that I’m close to) has fallen off the wagon once they decided to get clean – but if they did I’d like to think I’d still be there for them – because losing them would be worse than them dying – I’d lose a bit of hope in people’s ability to change.